Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
