So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
