I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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