i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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