Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Randomize
