So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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