Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
