'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
