I can tuck mytits in my pants
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
