remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
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I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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