ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
worst night to have a conscience
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
