Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
