i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
