great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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