Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
