so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
