Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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