My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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