my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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