I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
