i just wanna soil my oats bro
The best revenge is premature balding
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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