Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
