high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
