Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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