sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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