So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
