Redeem this text for a blowjob
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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