I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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