The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
