the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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