They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
