It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
dude. I can hear the air.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
