Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
