Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
