He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
