Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
