i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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