They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
