I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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