you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
