I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
