this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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