its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
In America we eat man semen.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
