I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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