Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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