i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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