Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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