I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
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