lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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