Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
