i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
