i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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