guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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