I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
