yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
