yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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