Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
