Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize