Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
