the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
