what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
