my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
