Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
