Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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