I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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