so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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