May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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