I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
