i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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