I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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