i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
