Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
