I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
